Just a few of the many reasons Deep Space Nine is shit.

I used to laugh about ‘angry Internet nerds’, but I thought I’d give being one a quick go and see what happens, and vent some steam and opinions. I doubt it will change other peoples opinions, or maybe it will. Perhaps it will educate those who are oblivious to what I’m talking about a little. Or perhaps not. Well, technically I’m an angry Internet geek. An important distinction in my books. I’m not going to list the reasons in an orderly fashion here, as I would with reasons concerning a show I actually like, because its very difficult for me to generate and maintain enough interest in this pile of shit show. There are more than 1o reasons here, and they’re in some kind of rough order, but…ah, you’ll catch my drift.

Its hard to go through life without being a hypocrite, so…my apologies in advance. But I don’t apologise for my negative feelings towards this show, because I live in a free country. And because DS9 is utter rubbish.

Why is it shit? Because its boring. BORING. Mind-numbingly, spirit-crushingly, eye-wateringly, boring. Watching Deep Space Nine is like watching C-SPAN. No, in fact its like watching C-SPAN 2. Jesus, is there anything more boring than watching legislation being made? Oh yes, DS9, that’s right, I forgot for a sec. Any excitement that may be had in later seasons is completely negated by the fact that by that time viewers who had stopped tuning in, including myself but admittedly that happened after season 2, were so far beyond caring it scarcely mattered. If you were still watching, well, bravo. I applaud your ability to sit through hours and hours of the worst drivel ever, listening to the idiot crew who tend an interstellar gas station for a living churning out yet more complaints about how hard done by they are. Babies. They should have spent the last few episodes on an apology.

Filmed in SoapOperaVision(TM), with characters about as interesting as a cardboard cut-out of the word ‘DULL.’ Now, soap opera style is fine for SOAP OPERAS, not for science fiction. For fucks sake, I could tend a gas station, you know? A monkey’s younger, stupider brother could tend a gas station.  And still find time for rotten fruit and flinging his filth. I’m not going to list all characters here, but in summary:

Sisko: Boring whiner, boneheaded, miserable brooding idiot. Janeway and Picard, hell, even Kirk and Archer, run ENORMOUS rings around this guy in terms of leadership and charisma, and would eat officers twice the man he is for breakfast. Whose ship would you rather serve on? And be honest. If the batshit crazy happened and it was actually REAL, I’d feel safer and more confident under Janeway’s leadership on the other side of the galaxy in dangerous space than I would sitting with Sisko in my own backyard. He’d probably manage to underhand some Romulans or set the Prophets off on yet another lengthy and uncalled for hissy fit. What are the Prophets BTW, Catholic? Grow up and take the highs with the lows.

O’Brian: Annoying non-com who hobnobs with the senior officers and makes them, surprisingly, look ‘good’. (I use the word very loosely).

Kira: Now, at least this girl is interesting, and has some pizazz. The only character on DS9 I actually like. Quite a feat. Still whines too much though.

Bashir: I don’t know the point of this dude, or even if that is spelt right. I have zero inclination to go to the online encyclopedias and find out, I simply don’t care enough. Um, he’s a doctor, I think. Whatever.

Odo: Token weird alien who spends his whole time solving crimes that, frankly, aren’t interesting enough to require solving. So he can shape shift. Big fucking deal. Why doesn’t he ever shape shift into somebody interesting or useful?

Grrrrrr. I get sick of these idiots complaining about their crappy love lives or boring problems, filling up the gas meter on someones starship and then whining out another line. I can’t take listing anymore of this boring crew, but I’m sure you catch my drift.

This show has none of the spirit of adventure that the other shows possess in reams. Hell, I’m not a big fan of the Original Series, but at least it had that intrepid soul inside it, despite all the unlucky Ensign Ricky’s and the Worst Fight Scene EVER. (Check out YouTube if you don’t believe me, you’ll find it quick enough). To Boldly Go…Really Fucking SLOWLY. If at all. The only new thing we, the audience, get to explore on this show…is…is…no, there isn’t anything. Although we do get to see detailed shots of the inside of Odo’s office (joy) and plenty of interminably long, skin-peelingly bad scenes about how one member of the crew hurt another one’s feelings. Aww, poor baby. Whah fucking whah. Pay no attention to the nasty people.

Also, the theme music sucks. The Defiant (To the Idiotmobile!) looks like a fucking dinner plate, which is not good. And Jake Sisko is nearly as annoying as Wesley Crusher. Quite an accomplishment. At least he doesn’t have to save the station every other week from someone else’s stupidity.

And the noise those goddamn game boards on the Entertainment Boulevard make drives me FUCKING CRAZY. I don’t care what they are or what the game is called, that sound effect is one of the most annoying sounds I have ever heard. And the Ferengi irritate me too. I don’t like it when they’re in Voyager, which is thankfully pretty rare, maybe one or two episodes, so I dislike it even more in this damn show. Yeah, they’re an integral part of the Trek universe, but holy moley they’re irritating. Borg, Hirogen, Cardassians, at least they’re interesting.

The best thing about Deep Space Wank (I mean Nine, I think. Don’t I? Nope). is the end credits rolling. Train Wreck Nine? Shit Dreck: Deep Spaz Nine?

People inevitably compare Star Treks. Saying things like: ‘Hey, the other Star Treks are really good. This show however, totally sucks.’

If the crew of this trash-can had found themselves facing down the Borg or preventing Species 8472 from having a good crack at wiping out the entire galaxy, well, the Star Trek galaxy would, to put it bluntly, be fucked. Count your lucky stars for the other crews.

I might set up a phone hotline for people bored stiff by watching this show. A jellyfish could make better television.

Why do I watch it?! AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

Oh wait, that’s right, I don’t. Ha ha. Don’t like it, don’t watch it, that’s my philosophy. Everybody wins.

I’m done being a bitch now, and I feel better. Aaaaahhhhh. And relax….

And please, and I speak now only to the core of pretentious, pompous, self-important asshole DS9 fans, not the normal fans, if you reply to this post with some butt-hurt whining about why DS9 is awesome and why I’m a moron, that is exactly the whiny little reaction that I wanted to get. You look like a moaning little pathetic punk. And that means I WIN.

To the normal fans, if you want to comment like an adult human being and voice that you disagree with my view, please do so. I value your opinions. Thank you.

Voyager out.